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This is the first time, that I write the english version of my post first. The thought took me in english, so I go with that… we’ll see.
In my former youth (I feel thirty now, so my teens and tweens are from now on considered as the “former youth”), I used to write a song almost every month – a was singing in a band that time, so it worked out very well.
The songs I wrote, were mostly about love.
But in the last view Years, I just wrote some Music, random little pieces, which I liked, but … yeah … you get it…
Sometimes, I asked myself, what lead me to that. The quick answer was, that I wasn’t in love for a long time … so…
But a few minutes ago, I was playing the piano, a song called “And so it goes” by Billy Joel. I remember, I loved this song ever since I heard it for the first time. The lyric is about a broken heart, but here it knows that the suffer will end. After playing the song, it came to my mind, that it has been my lack of suffer from anything, that brought me to a nonwriting musician. I know, that it will end, so I always distract myself, when I’m afraid to lose something. And another thought came up: Back then, I always pictured myself, singing the song to the woman it was meant for, knowing, that my music and words would make her understand. I got “rid” of that too.
And know, I am standing here in front of my computer, typing these words – and I am listening to “disintegration” by “The Cure”. Uh, I feel jealous of Smiths ability to suffer that much, that you think, you see him dying by missing his love.

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